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SRSmith

Running Silent, Running Deep
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Most of you only know me through the stories I write here, or the feedback I may have given you on your art over the years. Very few of you will have ever, or may ever meet me in person, but such is the nature of this medium; we get to connect with people from all over the world, but that reach allows for connections that are forever doomed to be distant. So it goes.

My frustration with points of connection like these, and I'm finding the same with clients determined to maximize time by using conference calls, text, and emails instead of face to face meetings, my frustration is that we, you and I, can't read body language when we communicate, can't read expression, can't easily say "wait, sorry, I don't understand what you meant there, are you saying...?" This often leads to misunderstanding, and misunderstanding leads to conflict, anger, resentment, or hurt, often out of sight where the person who has, often without intention or knowledge, caused someone else some kind of anguish, and where that person has no idea what they've done, or that they've done anything at all. If we're translating between two languages, that adds another layer entirely of possible miscommunication with no visual cues to guide us, or immediacy of resolution.

I write largely as a means of self-preservation, it's been a mechanism to harness a mind that runs me into the ground if left unguided, and I've used it for as long as I've recognized my mind can't be trusted idle on its own for too long.

I post what I write because it forces me to continue writing, if there was no expectation, even self-imposed, there would be no motivation other than self-care, and that's seldom enough. I also hope that my ideas provide some value to the people who read them, that they're thought-provoking, or at least entertaining.

I also value a great deal the feedback I get, both positive and negative. It helps me improve, it boosts my confidence, and if we're being honest here, it reminds me that I'm not alone.

Here's a confession, if you've got this far you've earned it; my default assumption in any social circle is that nobody cares that I'm there, and honestly would be happier if I wasn't. I think people are being polite when they engage with me, and I'm often trying to find any excuse to unburden the crowd of my presence, not because I don't want to be there, but because I don't think anyone else wants me there. Have you ever felt like that? Is it just me?

Now, the rational part of my brain knows that isn't true, and I have a good number of friends that I trust for which I know with unquestioned certainty that isn't true, but then we don't know each other that well, do we? It doesn't help that the rational part of my brain isn't always driving. I've lived with anxiety and depression for most of my life, I don't suffer with them, I'm pretty fucking good at both, but sometimes they've got the wheel, and that overactive imagination isn't otherwise engaged, and things go a little bit sideways.

Throw some personal issues, financial stresses, my one remaining parent aging and bringing into sharp focus his and ultimately my mortality. Add to that living in a world that's both on fire and seemingly gone mad, and things get a little hard to handle.

Here's the important bit.

Know this: If you've sent something to me, or said something to me, I've read it, I've heard you, I appreciate it and you even if I can't always bring myself to respond. If you feel like you're being ignored, or that you've been forgotten, you haven't, I appreciate that you're there, even if sometimes it seems like forever since I've told you. If that's not enough, I'm sorry, but I understand - I do - you all deserve more than I'm able to provide sometimes, and I don't blame you for leaving. I submarine when I'm underwater, and I may go long periods without surfacing.

If you follow me on the more traditional social media outlets, you may find me sparring with people about the mess we're in, and may wonder how I can do that but I can't answer you specifically. That outlet is easy, it's shadowboxing, it's a stress reliever that requires no mental or emotional engagement, it's reflex. Talking with any purpose is much, much harder, and often I can do one and not the other.

If I've hurt you intentionally, it will be very, very clear that it was intentional - we'll talk about it in the moment and you'll know. If I've hurt you in any other way, ever, know that it wasn't intentional, and I likely won't have any idea that I have. I'm not carelessly unkind, and if I feel like I have hurt you and don't understand what happened, know that fact is hurting me too. If you find yourself in this situation, with me or anyone for that matter, please - talk it out. If it's a misunderstanding, you'll feel better for having it cleared up, and if it's not, you'll galvanize your anger and know that it's justified, and I'll know what I've done, but in either case, be sure.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming - Wow! What a Ride!”
- Hunter S. Thompson

This decade has certainly contributed to the wear and tear of it, and if I could go back and describe the last ten years to 2009 me, even I don’t know that I would believe me, and I create outlandish works of fiction all the time.

I’m exiting the decade with less in all the right places, and more in all the right places, and a greater appreciation for what, and who counts the most.

May we all, everyone of us, find fulfillment in our own lives in the coming year and beyond.

Wow, what a ride indeed!
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Have you entered the Flash Forward Fiction Contest 3019 contest yet?



If you haven't, get on it!


Follow the link to the original journal below.



"Bathing. Fixing a broken toilet. Dental appointments. Cooking or preparing food. Keeping pets. Seeing a therapist. Going to concerts. Buying or building a house. Burying the dead. Getting to work or getting fired. Serving in the military, or returning to civilian life. Observing religion. Sex.

These sorts of things - and more - are what this contest is about. We'll be asking you to imagine everyday life in a typical situation, through the point of view of your main character...One thousand years from now."



CLOSED - Flash Forward Fiction Contest 3019









This contest is CLOSED to entries!

Thanks to everyone who entered! The official judging period begins now. While we wait for the judges to complete their scoring and winners to be announced, please check out the entry gallery!
:ufo: :ufo: :ufo:






Bathing. Fixing a broken toilet. Dental appointments. Cooking or preparing food. Keeping pets. Seeing a therapist. Going to concerts. Buying or building a house. Burying the dead. Getting to work or getting fired. Serving in the military, or returning to civilian life. Observing religion. Sex. 

These sorts of things - and more - are what this contest is about. We'll be asking you to imagine everyday life in a typical situation, through the point of view of your main ch


“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.”

"It was in love I was created, and in love is how I hope I die"
Paolo Nutini
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Remembering Rosella P Douglas-Lewis, leyghan who passed away a year ago today - Tuesday, January 30, 2018 at the age of 41 from a bilateral pulmonary embolism at her home in St. Kitts.

I hope the universe is treating you well Rosie, wherever you are.
:heart:

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.”

"It was in love I was created, and in love is how I hope I die"
Paolo Nutini
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From xkcd


Free Speech by SRSmith

"I can't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you're saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it's not literally illegal to express."



“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.”

"It was in love I was created, and in love is how I hope I die"
Paolo Nutini
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Featured

It's been a while since we really talked... by SRSmith, journal

New Year, New Decade by SRSmith, journal

Flash Forward Fiction Contest 3019 by SRSmith, journal

Remembering Rosella 'Rosie' Douglas-Lewis, leyghan by SRSmith, journal

Freedom of Speech by SRSmith, journal