I offer this as an explanation, for those that wonder where I've been and what my terse posts have been of late.
I'm at a turning point, not so much a fork in the road, as my path is clear and there are no choices that haven't already been made, but a turning point in that the trajectory of my life is about to dramatically change, and for the better. There are many unknowns, but no fear.
I've been in a relationship for 22 years, 18 of those married.
That relationship hasn't been a healthy one for a long time, and it's over in terms of how we defined it when we set out on this road together. There will be a relationship, we'll be parents together until we shuffle off this mortal coil, but the terms of that new relationship are yet to be defined, and it will not have the binding impact it has had in the past.
That relationship has brought me, among other things, 4 amazing kids that remind me that no matter how little I have left at the end of any day I've got more than any man can ask for.
I'm rediscovering myself, my friends, and forging new relationships that excite me in ways I've not known in my life. As much as the present turmoil is difficult, I've never felt this strong, this sure, this happy. Ever.
Writing has often been a coping mechanism, a way of examining a thought or a feeling, a way of soothing an exposed nerve, or of exercising some emotional demon in order that I might continue.
For the past 4 months writing hasn't been enough, and I've spent countless hours in the gym, logged over 500 miles on a bike and restored the soft, lethargic body I'd settled on into the lean mass of energy I'd been proud of 2 decades previous. Not only am I happy, but I feel physically alive again, filled with energy. I'm driven, unstoppable.
I'm not reading much right now, and I'm not writing at all. I have no big emotions left that haven't been dealt with, no exposed nerves.
I'm catching breath, feeling the earth beneath my feet and readying myself for a dizzying ascent into the future. When I come back I'll be writing from a place of strength, and with a sense of purpose. I'll be starting to finish, and nothing will stand in my way.
I want to thank all of you for your time and attention, for your support and your kind words. I want to thank you for your encouragement.
I want to apologize for not being here, for not having the mental bandwidth to read and respond to your work. You deserve more from me, but I'm afraid I haven't had it to give, and I don't know when I will.
This is not an exit speech, this is not goodbye, this is merely me interrupted.
Take good care of yourselves, all of you, and keep a light on if you will until I return.
“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.”
"It was in love I was created, and in love is how I hope I die"